Business Cuckoos

I hate business cuckoos. I really do. I have had enough of the suave, parasitic little bleeders and I have decided to paint a picture of them so that if a cuckoo lands in your business nest, you will be able to recognise them and expel them before any long term damage is caused.

Business cuckoos deposit themselves into your environment with the promise of great rewards. They present themselves with complete confidence both in terms of body language and personal presentation. They will tell you that they have the knowledge and experience to help you and your business flourish. But most importantly they don?t want anything in return, no really they dont, at least not until they have proved themselves and you are getting the rewards!

To late, you have fallen for it and they are now in the nest and yes; just like the feathered kind, the deposit of the egg happened when least expected and so quickly you did not even react. But why would you, cuckoos are clever. They target small nests which are showing signs of development and profitability. They know that an extra pair of hands can always be used and of course, they have the same synergy as you.

So once this gift is in the nest and you do not think you have anything to lose, they get to work. First of all they remove one of the other chicks in order to solidify their place in the family and the process of undermining has now become an action. Slowly they ingratiate themselves whilst looking for the weakest link. Once identified they move in with a cool, logical approach and suddenly without anyone noticing they no longer have a reactionary role, now they have responsibility and as a conscientious employer you start to feed them. Small bits at first, maybe just their expenses, but slowly you have to feed them more and more as the undermining of the other chicks continues unabated and their responsibilities increase.

Well they are now a part of the company and looking around, you realise that they have constructed a role for themselves which gives them power. Now the sting has become real. You realise that you have been played like a fiddle and that the team which you trusted has disappeared and been replaced by a fragmented body with a mouth piece you do not trust. The business which you have worked so hard on is no longer yours and you have become the reactionary.

Get rid. No matter how hard it feels, no matter how worried you are about coping, get rid. Your company will only survive if the parasite is removed and stops feeding of you.

So, be warned, if a gift happens out of the blue, has zygodactyls feet and eats caterpillars for lunch; you may have just let a business cuckoo into your nest.

A wasted Shopping Trip by George

Hi folks,
George here and in a thoroughly cheesed of mood! I am sure I am turning into a grumpy old man and if Maud is to be believed it has already happened. So; not to be perturbed I have decided to have a moan, but not about Christmas starting in September, no that can wait for another time.

No; this moan is about the mirage of a bargain. Like everyone else in the Country I was upset to hear of the demise of one of this countries great high street names recently. Not only has a great name gone for good, but I like everyone else have a memory of that great store from my child hood.

Mine was when I was 8 years old and after what seemed an eternity I had managed to save 5 £1 notes yes notes, an absolute fortune. I trundled down to the store having secreted the fortune in my sock in order to buy a board game, no computers then, and managed to purchase Monopoly for £3.95. The change I spent on sweets and the rest got me into the cinema to watch Jaws ( I pretended I was with another family).

But childhood was then and now I am a sprightly 21+ something and consequently look for a bargain in other peoples misfortune. Now do not say that; we all do it, we slow down at accidents, ask for the details when something goes wrong in someones life and so on, even if we do not admit it out loud . But the prospect of taking advantage of a closing down sale which already had a sale on was simply to good to miss. So of I trudged thinking that if I was careful my £200.00 budget could be reduced to £20.00 and no one would be the wiser, ha ha an absolute winner.

Upon entering the shop I should have suspected something was amiss. The crowds were not evenly spaced, in fact everyone was to the right and no one to the left. However being a bloke and thinking that they must have already shopped in the left hand side; I innocently wandered over into the void.

Within 5 seconds my jaw was slack, my eyes glazed and my need of a pint enhanced. There were no reductions, everything was as priced apart from the odd 10% here and 7 for 8 there. CDs, DVDs everything which is quick and easy for stocking fillers were the same price, where were the bargains? Where was my money saving going to take place?

After the initial shock I drifted aimlessly over to the crowded side. Here at last were the bargains, waist paper bins a £1, mugs reduced to a £1, bathroom mirrors £2 and so on and so on. Deciding I needed to rethink my plan I visited a nearby watering hole and contemplated my fate over my favourite pint which had just gone up by another 3p.

So when you think there maybe a bargain be warned, image is not everything, it may be a mirage and your hopes may be dashed.

In terms of Maud, I have a plan. The mirror, i will say; is to reflect your beauty my love, the waist paper bin; to empty your life of everything that is holding you back and the mug to drink to the new opportunities around the corner.

Happy Christmas everyone

George